kristin has been a bad kristin
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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