you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize