All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize