New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
