I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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