remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
