70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
