I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
