I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
