oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
