He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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