not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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