So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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