Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
