If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Farmville is her only friend.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
