p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
How naked do you want me to be?
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