Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
