its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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