Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
