Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
