he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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