We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize