giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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