Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
im drinking this country out of the recession.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
