clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You may now shotgun with the bride
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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