I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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