I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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