you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I have tasted many bathrooms
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
