I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
