no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
