they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
