is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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