did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
