return my video game
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
