so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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