Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
She told me I should be a condom model.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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