That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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