how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
