She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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