im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
