I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
