I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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