taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
