just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
