You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
