Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
