My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
