Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
