I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
She even gives head with a lisp.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
i think i just lost a toe
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
