Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
