Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize