she woke up with a sticky ear
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
