I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize