Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
That accounts for only three of the penises
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
