Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
