there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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