oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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