Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
