another moral hangover. fuck.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
