Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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