Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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