he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
