She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I have tasted many bathrooms
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
