I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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