why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
