Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
